Should I stay or should I go?

In a perfect moment of comedy timing, there was a really cool musical cue at this latest party.  Alison introduced me to the girls, while the music was playing in the background.  I have a "soundtrack" I use for the hen nights - more than fifteen hours worth of music, played entirely at random.  On this occasion, I was just in the process of disrobing (a term I almost never use - but it seems appropriate here) when Should I stay or should I go? by The Clash started playing.  There was a moment where I paused and everyone looked round in anticipation, then I turned to Alison and asked her if she'd cued it up deliberately.  I want little moments like that at every single party.  Sadly, they're a rarity.  In fact, this is the first time that it was so perfect.

The rest of the event was fun.  Another group from Aberdeen and Inverurie, so Alison and I anticipated slightly more raucous behaviour, because we've fallen into national stereotype expectations.  We should be ashamed - but we aren't.

One of the girls recognised me from an earlier class.  She had been at the event in Droothy's - when I worked in Dundee with Hannah, back in March.  That makes the second time a girl from that event has recognised me at a different class.  Last time it happened was at The Carlton in Aberdeen.

There was another "fun" moment - although a bit unnerving for a guy with confidence issues.  Where the entire class went "aww".  I might even have heard someone say "bless".  I'm just happy that was in response to one of the pictures that had been drawn.  But even if it wasn't, I should still point out in my defence that it was a bit cold in the pub that day.

Get a hat

Often, at these classes, I'll get a group of girls who are initially a bit wary.  They walk into the room looking startled and a bit suspicious - peering round the door and even seeming to be irritated and almost hostile.  There's nervous laughter and shocked noises.  And these responses are coming from girls who already know what's going on.

That's how this class started.  It took a while to coax the girls in, and I had to be quiet because the bride was blindfolded and was the only one of them who had no clue what to expect.  Eventually, she was led in by the hand.

I improvised at that point and took her other other hand, then led her into the middle of the room.  That was the point where - at hear expense - some of the other girls seemed to relax into the whole thing.  Loads of pictures were taken of the bride and I - her blindfolded and me standing naked next to her.

I was wearing a hat - a new prop I'd recently got hold of - and before the bride took off her blindfold, I took the hat off and held it over my crotch.  And kept it there for the next ten minutes or so - even conducting the entire first pose with it.  It got discarded and forgotten shortly after that, though.

I liked using the hat.  It felt awkward and strange - a bit contrived - to be continually holding it in position like that at first, but then I realised that the contrivance was what was making it fun.  It only felt unnatural to me, because I wasn't used to going to such lengths to preserve a bit of modesty.

The event went well.  There was the slow start, but it was a large group and I think a few of the girls didn't know each other, yet.  Often the large groups require a bit more effort, but in this case, it was well worth it.  By the end of the event, the girls were completely into it and really seemed to be enjoying themselves.  A couple of the girls that I had thought were a bit shy and reserved initially, were actually pretty eager to pose for photographs with me and I was continually being invited to get into the middle of one group or another.

At one point, I was posing with the bride.  I made a joke to her about her husband coming after me once he'd seen the pictures, but someone else said that this class was his idea.  That's something I like to hear about - a couple being at ease with this sort of thing, rather than threatened by it.

When it was all done, I went to the reception desk to pay for the room rental.  While I was there, the two girls at the reception became curious about the nature of the class, so I described it to them.  I showed them the blog website on my laptop, then wrote the address of it down on the back of one of my old art business cards.  One of those girls might be going to a hen night in February, and she seemed to be keen on pitching this to her friends as a potential adventure.  The really cool thing was that the girls I had just modelled for were in the hotel bar, so by the time I left, she was planning on getting some feedback from them.  If they were still as enthusiastic, then I can only imagine that they'd have done a far better job of selling the classes than I ever could.

A new leaflet

I created this leaflet this morning.  Look out for it very soon, at a location near you... at least if you live in Edinburgh.

Talking metaphorically

I saw a kilt in a shop, this morning.  It was on sale at £50 and I figured I'd go in and buy it.  I had just enough spare cash and it was in a Farquharson tartan (which isn't all that common) so it seemed ideal.  The plan was that I'd wear it for this afternoon's art class and then keep it for all future classes.

Unfortunately, that plan collapsed as soon as I took a closer look.  It was a lighter fabric and didn't have the same belt kind of setup at the waist that I would have anticipated.  It was a woman's kilt.  So just not appropriate at all.

I got to the Standard in plenty of time, as usual.  The same old paranoia and the same old fears of lateness kicked in, so when I had finished setting up, I was - as usual - still an hour ahead of schedule.  I looked forward to my tutor arriving, so I could at least talk to someone and have a distraction.  My usual tutor - Alison - is in Morocco right now, but she had arranged for a friend - Louise - to stand in for her.

Some of the girls arrived nearly half an hour early, so I talked to the organiser about how we would start the class.  The bride didn't know what was happening, so we had one of those surprise classes - my favourite type.  We agreed that we would go for the typical ploy - the tutor would make it look like a boring art class, pretend to have forgotten the props, go looking for something to stand in for them, "discover" me and bring me in.

Unfortunately, Louise didn't turn up.  As time ran down, I started sweating and checking my 'phone for messages, but nothing.  No tutor and no 'phone calls.  And then it was 1PM and the girls were coming back down the stairs and I had to admit that our fancy introduction plans had been shelved.

It occurred to me that Louise might simply be running a little late, but I didn't want to keep the girls waiting, because I had no idea what kind of schedule they might be running to, so we got started.  I went through a couple of basic "warm-up" poses, then started delivering the challenges.  Draw with a straight line.  Take a chunky bit of charcoal and draw "angry".  I did my favourite challenge - four groups of three and each group draw the full body between them.

And I did the challenge that was established in the last art class...

Two volunteers are called for.  One is a model and one is a co-ordinator.  Co-ordinator sets up a pose for the model and I.  And after that - the roles are reversed, so the first model gets to take her revenge on the co-ordinator of the pose was excessively cruel.

And throughout it all... no tutor, no texts and no 'phone calls.  I delivered the class on my own.  I always feel a little clumsy and a little less confident when this happens, so I always feel bad for the girls who have booked me.  But I think (I hope) they still enjoyed themselves and I think (I hope) I did a good job of both modelling and presenting the class.

I asked the event organiser if they had a schedule they needed to stick to, then gave the girls a little longer than usual, in the very vague hope that my tutor might have got the time wrong and might turn up at 2PM - and so at least be present for part of the class.  It didn't work, though, and in the end, the organiser told me they had to wind it up so they could meet someone back at their apartments.

I went through my usual routine of picking out a favourite picture and passed round the feedback book.  The comments were complimentary, as usual.  One girl wrote that I had "massive balls".  They do tend to look a bit bigger when I've been recently waxed, but I have a feeling she was talking metaphorically.

Dubious chainsaw

I'm still fresh from today's class.  Currently sitting in The Standard, which was my first stop when I got back into town.

I had two bookings today.  One in Edinburgh, which needed two models - and which necessitated some rapid recruiting earlier in the week when one of my regular models had to drop out at short notice and all the others were busy.  And one in Glasgow, which just needed me.

This was my second visit to the Tiki Bar.  And, happily, this booking ran a lot more smoothly than the last one.  The girls arrived early, which was a bit jarring, because Tammara (my tutor for this event) and I were still setting things up.  I stepped forward to speak to the girls, and two of them stepped forward, making urgent "shushing" motions before I could say anything that might spoil the surprise they had in mind.

I drew those girls aside and - thinking I'd had the time wrong - started to apologise for not being ready, but thankfully it wasn't my fault.  They had arrived early and we decided it would be best if they went upstairs, got something to eat and came down when they were ready to start the class.  I told them I was flexible on the times, so long as they finished up by 5PM (an hour after their class was scheduled to conclude) and asked them how they wanted to proceed.

They had a Brad Pitt mask, because the bride was a huge fan, and we quickly fleshed out a basic plan.  In the end, I wore the mask, hid behind the bar and waited.  Tammara let the girls arrive, told them she had forgotten the props (our favourite ploy) and went behind the bar to "find" something she could use.  We had decided a lantern would be perfect - so she walked back into the room carrying the lantern, told the girls she had found the perfect prop and then said that Brad Pitt would hold it for them.

Surprisingly, it felt a bit weird to be wearing a mask for that first pose.  I never would have anticipated it, but I felt a little self-conscious and couldn't help wondering if the girls would feel uncomfortable with it.  The mask made me feel a bit disconnected - like I wasn't really engaging with them - and I felt bad about that.

After the first pose, though, Tammara asked the girls to say goodbye to Brad and hello to Graham - and the class continued.

The other thing I felt slightly self-conscious about was the fact that I had modelled for another class on men's intimate waxing earlier this week.  The girl who had waxed me asked me if I had any preferences about styles, but I was happy to leave that up to her, so I told her I was flexible.  The waxing tutor - Kim Lawless - asked her what she wanted to do, and she said "I want to take it all off."  I was ultimately left with a bit of a diamond shaped patch just above the belt line, but everything else was taken.  It was a nice look, though, and I'll be very happy to use that therapist again in the future.  I was very comfortable with her.  Nobody in the group commented on - or asked questions about the lack of a thatch, though.  I thought about commenting myself - explaining the smooth look - but in the end, I kind of liked leaving them to draw their own conclusions.  Of course, if any of them read this, their potential curiosity will be satisfied.

There were some great pictures.  A couple of really cool, artistically adventurous depictions of my penis, though.  One drew eyes on the testicles and turned the "diamond" into a punk hairstyle.  She even seemed to draw sharp teeth onto the shaft, though I'm not sure if that was intentional.

Another girl focused on the penis as well, and ended up with something that reminded me of a chainsaw.  I loved it.

Ultimately, though, the winner was one of the final pictures to be drawn.  I looked googly eyed and weird.  So a perfect likeness.

And finally... back to Edinburgh, then on to the Standard so I could collect the sketchpads that Alison and the two models had used there.  And in a little while... rest.

It's been a fun day.

Cocktails at the Tiki Bar

My first time at the Tiki Bar in Glasgow - and hopefully not my last, despite a couple of minor teething troubles. I was double booked, so was asked if I could change the time of my class. I got in touch with the girls and put the request to them, and - possibly motivated by the offer of some free cocktails from the bar staff - they happily agreed.

It's a great venue. The decor is perfect for a class like this. The fact that they describe themselves as a "Bar and Kitsch Inn" says it all, really. On the day I found this place, I had been walking the streets of Glasgow, checking out all the options and it started pouring down - typical Scottish weather, I suppose. I was soaked right through to the skin, but still slogging on. I fell in love with this place from the moment I saw it, though - I knew it would be ideal. I spoke to a barman, who promised to pass on my message to the bar manageress. Frustratingly, that usually means my inquiry will go no further - even if I make follow-up 'phone calls. But this time, the manageress called me up the very next day for more information and seemed to love the idea.

So... four free jugs of cocktails, a group of happy hens and a bride who - for some reason - completely refused to divulge the name of her future husband to all her friends. I found that to be very enigmatic and wondered whether they had invitations to her wedding. Perhaps they'd only find out who he was when they turned up at the church?

The girls arrived very slightly early, so we got started right away to make the most of the tight scheduling - but we still had other people coming into the room before we were done. A charity cocktail-making class were the next group due in and it seemed they had to decorate the room in advance. Cue one startled lady, who clearly wasn't expecting a naked man to be there, as well.

After the class was done and after I got dressed and tidied up, I saw the girls ahead of me as I was heading to the bus station. I caught up to them and apologised. I was a little concerned that they felt a bit harried right at the end, and wanted to make sure they were all still happy with their event. They were all completely cool, though - and assured me that they'd had a great time.

And so... off to Buchanan Street for the bus back to Edinburgh.

Oscars

I've got to admit that I had a stressful start to the day. I caught the train to Newcastle in plenty of time, dug out my iPhone and started using Google Maps to guide me to my destination - the Premier Inn. After getting completely lost, I gave up, called the hotel and was guided back along the route I had just taken. The guide had taken me right to the doorstep, but then steered me a lot further on. If I had only looked up at one point - rather than at the screen - I wouldn't have walked right past it.

I still got there in time, though. I tend to be a bit paranoid about that, so I like to make sure I schedule enough spare time to accommodate for things like this.

There were eight girls in this group and so when I proposed the collage challenge (my new favourite) I just divided them into two groups of four, explained the rules - and then we were on our way. I was so keen to do this one again, that it was the first proper challenge and only the third pose of the class.

One of the groups decided to split the pose right down the middle - with two girls working on the left hand side of my body and two on the right. Then a hastily drawn head. I'm not sure, but I think the lack of the head was an oversight, like they'd forgotten it completely.

In the other group, one of the girls was positioned unfortunately and her key area was perhaps a bit more specific than she might have been happy with, but she rose to the challenge. She spent a lot of time drawing hair. I'm due to get waxed this week, sometime - I might have been able to save an entire stick of charcoal if I'd just had that done a few days early.

When the groups presented their collages, it was decided I would stand behind the relevant pieces of paper as a further bit of illustration. The group that had split my body right down the middle had a moment of indecision when it was discovered that both girls who had drawn my legs had been fully anatomically detailed. At first, the decision was to fold one piece of paper to conceal part of the drawing, but then it was decided to keep them intact so both penises were visible - and hold them up so they flanked the real one.

The winner of the "best picture" competition stood up and gave a brief speech - thanking her classmates and her model in true Oscar style. One of her early drawings had actually looked a lot like an Oscar, which made that even funnier. Well... funny to me... I like that sort of thing.

The girls have all promised to send pictures. So I'm hoping to illustrate this posting very soon.

Introducing Wee Jakey

I read about a drawing challenge last night, and it sounded like fun - so today, I really felt like I had to try it out. I divided the class into four groups of people - each group containing either three or four girls. I told each group that they were to work together and draw a full body. Each participant within each group had to agree to work on a specific body part, then at the end, they would put the pages together.

It was a great exercise and I'm definitely going to use it again. Once the pose was completed, I got each group to come up with their pages, put them together and see how well they all fitted. The first group used an extra sheet of paper - presumably in order to flatter me. Photos were taken of each creation. Once they were done, I set all the picture collages on the floor, then more pictures were taken of them all side-by-side with each other.

The competition at the end of the class was particularly difficult today. I selected my favourites, as usual, and tried to discard all barring just one or two of them - but this time there were four pictures remaining that I just couldn't choose between. I was all set for a prolonged applause-o-meter, but the girls shouted that down and chose the picture the bride had drawn. This was the head of her group's montage. It looked like one of those old Communist Propaganda posters and I thought it was beautiful.

One of the other pictures in the running was also the head of that particular collage - but this one had a slightly sardonic look to it. I really liked the smirk.

For today's group, it was only the bride who apparently didn't know what kind of event she had been signed up for. She seemed pleased, though. But she also said that someone had told her not to "draw the penis too big", which suggested that she might have had some idea of what to anticipate.

A new introduction to today's class was Wee Jakey. I saw a poseable artists' doll in an art shop while I was picking up fresh charcoal and chalks and had to buy it. A great addition to the classes, because the girls can use Jakey to suggest poses that they'd like to see. Sadly, the bride's suggestion - which looked very elegant - was impossible for me to even attempt. It looked like he was diving off a cliff - chest out, arms backward and (crucially) feet off the floor. I didn't even attempt it.

Two models

The Standard has one minor problem. It's not the perfect shape for a large group of people gathered around one focal point. So when I was hired for a party consisting of thirty girls, there was just one thing to do - hire a second model. And so, for the first time, we had one art class and two models.

I arrived early and set up the venue around two focal points, then sat back and waited for Alison and Stuart to arrive. And Alison had the great idea of keeping the class "fresh" by switching models over at half time. My own plan had simply involved us setting up, adopting one of the spaces and letting the girls move around to suit themselves - if they preferred what the other group was doing, they could switch seats. Alison's idea was better, though.

She probably had to work hardest for this one. Flitting between the two groups and co-ordinating the poses - making sure everybody was happy - setting up fresh poses. But the event ended up being so much fun that I'm actually hoping to get another big class very soon. At the very least it means I can give Stuart more work.

It was a very lively and cheerful class. At the end, the extra model provided a fresh element for the bride - she got between us both for the group photograph. I really hope that the extra nudity involved provides an additional subversive edge to her souvenir pictures.

Willy warmer

I was given a present today. One of the girls had brought along a knitted willy warmer for me. A little, rainbow-coloured thing that even had two little pouches for testicles and a couple of ties to secure it in place. I hate to brag, but there's absolutely no way I'll ever fit into it - but it's a great novelty souvenir of a fun class.

And I still really like The Standard. It's a great place and the staff are very friendly and accommodating. The barman is happy to bring drinks down to the girls and doesn't bat an eyelid at the fact that there's a naked man standing in the background while he does so.

Today, however, he upstaged me. One of the girls had asked if he was single, so when he came down with a tray of cocktails, I pointed her out to him. Next thing I knew, he was posing for pictures with some of the girls. If he ever wants to rethink his career choice, I'd be more than happy to offer him a job.

As usual, there were some great drawings and as usual, it was difficult to pick out a favourite. Even the pile of discarded drawings - those that get left behind at the end of every class - always seems to have some great pictures among them. I'm planning to get them all scanned, then bind them together into more books very soon.

But right now, I would like to put out my regular request for the girls of this group to email me photographs - it's always good to be able to illustrate these postings.

A new Standard

And finally, the day comes round where Alison and I get our first class in the brand new venue - today we welcomed a class to the Standard on Howe Street. I got there early so that I could have time to arrange the tables and chairs to best effect and sectioned off a part of the room where the class could be held comfortably. Alison arrived shortly after that and we settled down to chill out and wait for the girls to turn up.

I always get a little nervous at this point. I start to worry about the things that could go wrong - the potential breakdowns in communication. Had I updated all the relevant people about the new venue or were the girls en route to the Beehive as we waited? I worried about the times as well and kept double-checking the emails to make sure I had that right as well. So, when the girls arrived as planned and nothing went wrong, there was the usual sigh of relief.

The first pose was a swine. The girls asked for a "star" pose - legs spread wide and arms in the air. Alison said it was a difficult pose, so we should make it a short one. I could feel the strain in my arms almost immediately, but was able to maintain it until Alison called time on it.

Later, Alison introduced the "question session" - something she had come up with a few classes back. We worked from right to left and the girls took turns asking questions. Someone asked what the weirdest pose was that I had ever been asked for and I thought about suggesting the "Brucey Bonus" one which is often put forward. I changed my mind, though - because I hate that pose too and didn't want to suggest it. I told them that the worst pose I'd ever had was the "star" pose.

Someone also asked where the weirdest place was that I'd ever modelled. I wasn't sure, so I looked to Alison and she reminded me of the first time we met - I had her guarding one of the doorways at Craigmillar Castle while I set up my camera to take some self-portraits for my art work. That's probably not the weirdest, but it was a good suggestion.

At the end, I picked out the best and worst pictures from the gallery. I couldn't make up my mind about the worst one though, so I narrowed it down to two, then held them up for the "applause-o-meter". Then got into a debate about whether loud applause meant one picture was better than the other - and so wasn't the worst. Started to confuse myself and gave up on that one when the girls all insisted that the worst was the one with the loudest applause.

Another fun class. A shame three people didn't show up. But there were enough drawings and enough photos taken to show off.

The Carlton

I had a couple of "firsts" this weekend. My first repeated customer - one of the girls had seen me before when I did the class in Dundee. My first job at The Carlton in Aberdeen, which is a bar I hope to use again. My first job with Fiona - my Aberdeen tutor. And my first job where the class asked to take a break halfway through so they could get something to eat from a buffet. When I do a class, I tend to be very preoccupied with keeping the momentum going and making sure everybody has a good time, so I struggled a little bit with that last detail. I wasn't completely sure what I should be doing while everybody was eating - but it still seemed to go pretty well.

A couple of girls had arrived early to decorate the venue, so there were balloons everywhere and I used one of them as a prop early on. Fiona welcomed the girls when they arrived, while I took up hiding and waited for my cue. When I stepped into the room with the balloon (heart-shaped) strategically positioned, one of the girls actually screamed.

Recently, someone reminded me of a couple of drawing challenges that I haven't used in a long time, so they were resurrected for this class. I challenged everybody to draw a picture without looking at the page - and I can't believe I haven't been using that one in every single class. It's a real laugh; especially when the artists are keen to "not cheat" but still have the instinct to glance down at the page. Someone asked me if I was going to be "invigilating" and I was very embarrassed to admit that I couldn't actually remember what the word meant. I'm literate... I was familiar with the word... but right at that moment, I couldn't remember it at all.

When everybody paused for something to eat, I started to become conscious of the approaching deadline. We didn't have the venue for much longer and I wanted to cram in as much as possible so the girls could get the full value of the event. So I suggested that we move on to picking out the favourite picture and posing for some photographs once they'd finished eating. Then, after a quick check of the schedule I amended that to one more quick drawing challenge, then the favourites, then the photographs.

Finally, I got dressed and said "goodbye" to everyone. I don't like to break the continuity of an event by letting everybody see me with clothes on, because I always think it drags "real life" back in and destroys the illusion. Sometimes it's necessary, though. I made a couple of jokes about my appearance. I prefer to be naked, because then people don't see how scruffy I normally. Then, it was off to the bus station and back to sunny Edinburgh.

I used to live in Aberdeen, and it's days like this that make me want to live there again.

Aberfeldy

It wasn't easy to get to Aberfeldy - and it was even more difficult to get from Aberfeldy to the lodge where Saturday's first class was being held.  The taxi driver dropped us off a fair distance along the track, but Marta and I still had a bit of hiking to do after that - dragging the bag with the charcoal and sketchpads along with us.  But when we finally arrived, the views were spectacular.  It would be a nice place to live, although the walk home after a night at the pub would be a bit of an adventure.

There were two bunkhouses at Glassie Farm.  The one Marta and I attended had 25 girls on a hen night, and the neighbouring one had a stag night attending.  The guys were off whitewater rafting that day, but the girls made a couple of tantalising references to playing naked football in the early hours of that morning.  It was very intriguing, but they wouldn't give any more information than that, barring the occasional half-overheard snippet of conversation between them.  I really wanted to know more.

I think the group had a fair idea of what to anticipate.  There was an attempt to smuggle Marta and I inside, but there were windows overlooking the courtyard where the main door was, so that wasn't easy.  Then there was a brief conversation about whether I would be partially clothed or fully naked when I was introduced and it was decided to go straight for the nudity.  I got changed upstairs, then walked downstairs and waited outside the door while I waited for Marta's cue.

One of the poses - suggested by Marta - had me lying down on my back on the floor.  It was a tiled floor, though.  I actually gasped at the shock of it when my back touched the floor and it occurred to someone to suggest pillows and a duvet at that point, but I was already getting over the initial chill and didn't need them any more.

The only real challenge was the size of the room and the amount of girls filling it.  The chairs were spread out in a rough square formation while I stood in the middle of the room, so I made sure that I faced in all directions as the poses progressed.

I had got myself waxed on Thursday afternoon in preparation for this class, but - disappointingly - the waxer was still perfecting her technique and the results weren't brilliant.  Still a massive improvement on the ungroomed look, though.

Once the class concluded, Marta and I were kindly offered a lift back into town.  I thought about getting something to eat in Aberfeldy, but then suggested that we wait until we get to Kirkcaldy (ready for the next class) before we do that.  I just knew I'd be much more relaxed if we were actually in the neighbourhood of the second place and would enjoy the meal more.

Another fun group, though.  And the girls were all very welcoming and friendly.

Kirkcaldy

I've been warned about the girls in Kirkcaldy before now, but then... I've been warned about the girls in other towns as well.  I have noticed some trends.  Girls from Aberdeenshire and Dundee are both liable to cut loose a bit.  And this is what I anticipated from the girls in Kirkcaldy.  But this was, quite definitely, the rowdiest group of all.

When we got to the bar where the class was being held, I asked one of the bar staff to discreetly locate the event organiser and bring her through to us so that we could discuss the approach.  I asked if anyone was going to be surprised and set about making the arrangements.  Should I be partially dressed or fully nude?  The response was that I should just come out "with everything hanging free".  This was not going to be a class with shy girls involved.

When I first asked for suggestions for a pose, one girl immediately had a response.  Now, normally, when something rude is suggested, I'll know it's a joke - but this time, it had the feeling of a genuine request.  Practically a demand.

My favourite picture was very stylised and as soon as I can get it scanned, I'll post it here.  It was done during the "straight lines" challenge and I came out looking very punky and dynamic looking.  I was so impressed by it, that the girl who drew it gave it to me right away.  I was even more impressed by her later pictures, but didn't want to enthuse about those as well, because I was worried that it would seem like I was soliciting them from her.  So, I want to state here, that I loved all of her pictures.  Her use of the blue chalk really helped add to the overall look of the picture.

I really loved this group.  It was a bit of a challenge to stay in control, but it was a challenge I enjoyed a lot.  They really shook up the status quo and they seemed to really enjoy themselves a lot - and the buzz of it definitely had me on a bit of a high, afterwards.

When it was done, Marta and I went through to the bar and ordered a taxi.  While we were waiting for it to arrive, one of the girls came through and told us that they had all enjoyed themselves a lot.  Feedback like that - especially immediately after the class - felt great.

After that - taxi to the railway station and train back to Edinburgh.

Competition controversy

It was Friday the 13th...

At very short notice, my usual venue canceled on me this week, so I had to find somewhere else to hold a class on Friday night. Cue stress and panic - and great expense - but I finally managed to track down a suitable place.

Frustratingly, the providers of the new venue held me to the very minute of the one-hour time slot I asked for and so shortly after 6PM, I found myself waiting in the car park with Marta to be allowed to get in and get the room set up. Then the girls arrived. And finally, a little man arrived and unlocked the doors and let us all in.

I was fortunate in a lot of details. It was a pleasant evening, so we weren't huddle up against the cold or the rain. The girls were very pleasant and understanding. And they had all been informed about what to expect, so the fact that I met them in advance of the class didn't result in my giving away any surprises.

The class itself went smoothly. We actually got in and got settled about ten minutes before they were due to start, although a couple of interruptions meant the class itself didn't get underway until just after 7PM, which was when we were due to start. I warned everyone that at 8PM on the dot, the little man would probably be harrying us to finish up and leave, but I assured them that we would wind down at our leisure and would leave when we were ready to do so.

There was a competition among the group. One of the girls had promised that the best penis picture would win a cocktail after the class. This was great in theory, but she then went on to draw the absolute best picture I'd seen in a long time. I went through the usual routine - my favourite part of any class - of choosing a small selection of my absolute favourite pictures and setting them aside, then picking out my very favourite from that small selection. And there was no way I could pass up the brightly coloured, beautifully drawn, very happy looking picture - despite the fact that I couldn't help thinking she'd made me look a bit like Tony Blair.

The proposed winner protested. She couldn't be the winner. She couldn't buy herself a cocktail, apparently. So I compromised. I picked out my second favourite picture as well, and put the vote to the group. I held up both pictures and requested an applause-o-meter response from them. It was a close thing, but the group did back me up and she won the competition. So she and the runner-up settled on their own compromise and agreed to buy each other cocktails.

I asked for a copy of the picture. I suggested that perhaps it could be scanned and a copy of it emailed to me. She offered to take a photograph of it and email the photograph. At least that's what I thought she had suggested, but shortly afterward, once I'd got dressed, I realised that all the pictures had been left behind and that one was among them.

I was going to keep them aside, scan them all and then illustrate this posting with some of my favourites.  But a little while ago, I got an email from the bride with some photographs, so now I don't need to do that.  I should post the originals out to the girls if they like, though. It seems a shame that they left without any souvenirs.

At 8PM on the dot, an internal 'phone started ringing in the room.  Marta answered it a couple of times, but nobody ever spoke to her.  It seems that the little man was trying to give us a nudge and remind us that it was time to leave.  At around 8:20PM, I got dressed (something I almost never do while the group are still around, because I hate to break that continuity) and we packed everything away.  The girls left, then the little man came in - a lot less friendly than he was at the beginning of the evening - and we finally vacated the premises at around 8:30PM.

It's definitely not a venue I'll use again, but in the end it went pretty smoothly and we had fun.

Mr Spock again

On Wednesday, I did some modeling for a friend near Glasgow, so on Monday - in anticipation of this - I got waxed again.  This meant the thatch was looking good for today's class.  Now that I've started this regime, I want to maintain it.  Personal grooming gets a little more intimate when people see me naked all the time and I want to look my best.

There was no surprise this week.  The bride already knew what to anticipate, so the "hide-in-the-bathroom" intro was pretty redundant.  I spoke to the girl who hired me and we briefly discussed the best way to go, though.  We decided to go for the unveiling element, then while she went to fetch the rest of the group, I quickly got changed into my light trousers - the red ones this time.  Once everybody had arrived and was ready to start drawing, I stripped them off.

First pose was a Superman impression - always a difficult one to maintain.  We're not physically designed to hold an arm out for a prolonged period, so the strain quickly becomes too much.  Later, I was asked to do a "muscle-man" pose.  Now, I've got good abs, but my pecs and biceps aren't really much to show off, so I was a bit shy, but they promised to flatter me - and they did.  Nobody's ever drawn me so muscular before.

For the second time in as many weeks, I found a picture where I looked like Mr Spock.  Which leaves me wondering if I can introduce a new challenge.  Channel your favourite celebrity while drawing me and see if I can guess who I'm meant to be.  Think it'll work?  Worth a shot.

Ballater

A long day, but very rewarding.  A train from Edinburgh to Aberdeen, followed by a bus from Aberdeen to Ballater and a taxi from Ballater to Gairnshiel Lodge where the group was all set up and ready for me.  It's always enjoyable when a booking gets me out of town, though - a different environment keeps everything fresh and creative.

Gairnshiel Lodge is a beautiful place.  A Victorian hunting lodge with views of Glencairn and Ben Avon.  It was built in 1746, so I was left a little curious about any connections it might have with the aftermath of the Jacobite rising.  None of that mattered, though, when I was posed against a window with spectacular views of an amazing environment.  A lot of the girls took full advantage of that and included the scenery in their drawings.

I was asked to start out partially dressed for this class in case full nudity from the outset was a bit too shocking for some of the participants, so I took along a pair of pyjama style trousers that had been a present from a friend in America.  They really looked the part - black, with red, flaming hearts.  Colourful and extravagant - they seemed to go down well.  Two poses later, they came off and underneath them I was wearing tight boxers, but when that extra layer was revealed, there were some protests - so they came off, too.  The nudity was well received and we moved on to the next pose with renewed enthusiasm.

The only real disappointment with the day was the weather.  We had been assured of plenty of sunshine and if that had been delivered, the location was perfect for holding the class outside.  It was nicely remote, so little chance of anyone stumbling upon us unexpectedly.  But it was just a bit too drizzly for that, so we stayed inside the lodge.  That was a shame.  I haven't posed outside so far, and it would have been fun to do that for the first time in such a great location.

After the class, I got dressed and was given a glass of champagne, then was kindly taken back into Ballater - and then it was on to the long trip back to Edinburgh.  I got home at around 11PM.  Absolutely exhausted, but still buzzing from a fun class.

Giant inflatable penis

Alison and I met at the corner of the High Street, then walked down to Old Tolbooth Wyndham where our party was being held on Friday night.  I always like private venues.  There's a "sneaking about" element that's always a lot of fun.  There's always someone who needs to be surprised, so that person (or people) needs to be out of the way while the tutor and I are led inside.  This time it was just the one person - the bride - who didn't know what was happening.

We found the place pretty easily and we saw some girls hanging about outside, but didn't want to introduce ourselves in case the bride was among them.  We walked over to the far side of the courtyard and sat down on a wall, while I sent a text to let the event organiser know I was outside, but the girls recognised us and started tentatively calling out my name even as I was sending the text.  We were taken inside and led into the main room, then I was shown to a bedroom while Alison handed out the charcoal and sketchpads.  I stripped, then walked back into the room and waited for the bride to be led in.  So this time, the girls who were already in the room were asking questions before the class had even started, which was entertaining.  There was a bit of debate about how best to greet the bride and everyone eventually agreed I should be facing her as she walked in.  I told the girls about a previous event where I was asked to hold the bride's Care Bear - her favourite toy - in front of myself as she walked in.  I always like these extra creative elements in the classes.

I had bought new charcoal for this class, but it was a different type.  A dozen blocks of black charcoal and two dozen blocks of coloured chalks.  I wasn't sure how well they would work, so this was a bit of an experiment.  They went down really well... some of the drawings from this class were a lot more colourful than anything that had been produced before.  One of the girls drew a beautiful picture that I wanted to steal.  Very stylistic and 1960s, with flowers for my eyes.  I loved it.

When it came to the final pose, the bride was persuaded to leave the room and get changed into an inflatable penis costume that the girls had brought with them, then pose with me.  I got down on my knees and cuddled her.  It was one of the drawings from this pose was the one that won the usual competition.  It looked like I was cuddling a giant, slightly floppy penis.  I wanted to steal that picture, too.

Afterward, Alison and I went for a drink at the Royal Oak to round off a fun evening.

The show must go on

My most recent class started off badly and I had to open up with apologies to the girls.  My scheduled tutor had to deal with a family emergency at the last minute and I couldn't locate another one at such short notice.  So I had to run the entire class by myself.  They were all very nice about it, but I couldn't help feeling particularly bad at the end when the group pictures were being taken.  That's normally the tutor's job.

Apart from that it went pretty smoothly, though.  It was, as usual, a fun class.  Without the tutor, I couldn't hide outside and wait to be introduced, but the girl who had booked me had already told me that there was no need for the surprise introduction anyway, so that wasn't an issue.  Instead I set up the room, then waited for everybody to arrive.

It's not the easiest job when I have to carry two roles, but I think I managed it OK.  I kicked off with a new challenge - one that I think I'll probably incorporate into future classes.  I challenged the girls to draw something purely from their imaginations, then tear out the pictures and pick out the most popular suggestion.  This would form the first pose.  One of them was exceptionally obscene and I posed for a photograph with the girl who had drawn it, but quietly discounted it as an option.

Every group is different - this is one of the things I love about this job.  Some groups will shyly ask me some questions, but will warn me that the questions might be "a little cheeky" first.  Some groups will just launch straight in with no preamble.  This group were curious, but straightforward.  I was asked if I ever got erections at these events and if I groomed prior to every class.  This was clearly a reference to my well-manicured thatch, so I told them about the waxing.  Then, one girl asked me if I pumped myself up prior to a class.  It took me a moment or so to realise that she was referring to my testicles.  Nobody has ever referred to those before, so I can only assume that the waxing has made them appear to be bigger without any hair in the way.  Another good reason to maintain the grooming.

I managed to introduce the various challenges and the class appeared to go very well.  At one point, the lady who booked me posed with me and one of her friends drew something very different from the pose she was presented with.

At the end, the girls only took a dozen or so pictures and I was given the remainder of them.  Whenever I get enough of these pictures, I create a couple of books out of them.  I learned a little Japanese stab-binding last year, so I could present the pictures creatively and I generally start off a class by showing the girls examples of pictures created by previous groups. Anyway, I think I'll combine these with the individual pictures I've been left with at the end of various other classes and get a couple of brand new books out of it.

So... all in all... another fun class, I think.  And once again, I apologise to everybody for the lack of a tutor.

Dundee

Hannah - my newest tutor - worked with me for the first time, today.  She's cheerful and bubbly, with a contagious enthusiasm that really works for these classes.  We were working in Dundee and the first challenge was meeting each other.  I caught the train from Edinburgh, while she caught the bus from Aberdeen.  We met at an M&S and headed to the venue - a pub called Drouthy Neebors.

It was a beautiful place and we quickly set about moving chairs about and setting out sketchpads.  Then, when I saw a curtained off area, I talked Hannah through the recently developed introduction procedure, then hid behind the curtain.

It didn't work this time, though.  I hadn't had direct contact with anyone from this particular group, so didn't know how many of them were aware of the nature of the event before they arrived.  Turns out all barring the bride knew, so I could hear them expressing disbelief and pointing out the curtain.  So, no dramatic entrance for once.

The group were from Aberdeenshire, so while I was taking up the first couple of poses, I let them know I used to live up there myself.  I spoke about how I once lived in Inverurie and a few of the girls let out cheers, since they also lived there.  One of them was a retired teacher.  We spent a minute or two trying to work out whether she had ever taught me, but came to no real conclusions.  That was definitely a surreal moment.

I was disappointed, though - nobody commented on my recent bit of maintenance and even when I mentioned that I had been waxed, the response was completely underwhelming.  Nobody cared.  Why do I put myself through these things when nobody appreciates the pain I have to go through?

Another fun class, though.  Sadly, I had to disrupt the continuity at the end by getting dressed and letting everyone see me with my clothes on before I left.  I prefer not to break the pattern, but sometimes it's unavoidable.

For the second time in as many weeks, someone took video footage of the event.  So, for the second time in as many weeks, I want to put out a request for a copy of it, along with the usual request for comments and photographs.

Afterwards, Hannah and I stopped at a cafe and had something to eat.  I told her I'd be very happy to hire her again in the future.  And now I'm hoping to get a job in Aberdeen in a couple of weeks, so I can do exactly that.

A neater thatch

I've been looking a bit unkempt at my classes just recently  There's a reason for that, though.  I recently agreed to be a model for a class about mens' intimate waxing and had to lay off the grooming for a couple of weeks.

The tutor was Kim Lawless.  She's very famous and has featured on GMTV and now - having experienced one of her training sessions - I can see why.  The class was fun and relaxed, but very informative.

It takes a genuine lack of self-consciousness to be a model for such a class and some of the stages are very undignified - but the results are amazing.  I'm sure it won't be too narcissistic to say that I really like the way I look right now.  I had anticipated everything coming off, but instead it was trimmed and landscaped and reduced down to just the thatch running from belly-button to lower abdomen.

So, today, I'm looking exceptionally neat and well groomed.  In fact, I don't think my thatch has ever looked better.  I'm definitely going to keep volunteering for these classes.

My apologies to everyone who hired me in recent weeks - but I never got the impression that anyone was particularly offended, so I won't worry about it too much.  And hopefully anyone who hires me for future hen nights will appreciate the new look.

The banana

Claire and I got on the underground and headed out to the West End.  We had a minor loss of way when I insisted that I knew the route, but got it wrong and we got off at the wrong station, but that was corrected quickly.  Then we used the iPhone satnav system to walk from the underground to the new address.

This was in a private residence.  My favourite type, since everybody is generally much more relaxed and comfortable and I don't have to worry too much about whether the location is suitable or not, because the person who has hired me has already taken care of that.  So no need to rapidly peg up "washing lines" and sheets to create privacy.

Also, I really enjoy the drama of these events.  Texting the person who hired us so we can be smuggled in to the residence, hidden somewhere (the bathroom in this case) while everybody is hustled in to the main room and then introduced to best effect.  Twice, someone knocked on the bathroom door, making Claire have to call out that it was occupied while we waited for our respective cues.

Then Claire was taken through to the main room.  She handed out sketchpads and charcoal, while I hid round the corner and waited for my own cue - in this case, it was the word "banana".  I almost messed up when I heard someone else use the word unexpectedly, but managed to restrain myself.

So as soon as Claire told the class they were going to be drawing "this banana", I walked in and took it from her.  As usual... my favourite moment... and this time it took a while before I could be heard.  I held up the banana and told everyone they were till to draw the prop, but that I was going to hold it for them.

Another good thing about private residences is that there are often props that get incorporated into the classes.  This time I posed wearing a sailor's cap and a feather boa at one point.  I was very keen on getting copies of some of those pictures, so I also want to thank the party leader for providing some.  If there are any more available, then please send them to my usual address.  Farquhar1970@AOL.Com.  They will illustrate this posting nicely.

Afterward, Claire and I headed back to the subway station and quickly discovered that the satnav had steered us on a pretty circuitous route.  The return journey - via an underpass - got us back to the station much more quickly.

Challenges

The first job outside of Edinburgh this year, and the first with one of my newest tutors.  I was based at the Stateside Bar in Glasgow's Merchant City and was working with Claire Patterson.  She was a great tutor and we worked very well together, so I'm really looking forward to doing so again.  She had hired me earlier in the year to do some photographic modelling for her.  It was good to return the favour and hire her right back.

Things didn't go completely smoothly this time.  I arrived four hours early because I wanted to make sure various challenges had been taken care of and I wanted to have the time to cope with them if they weren't.  And right away, I was confronted with a venue that comprised of a wide open balcony overlooking a market square that was expected to be very busy - with clear views of anything that was going on.  There were supposed to be screens in place, but they weren't there, the manager who had hired me the venue was no longer working there and nobody even knew I was supposed to have a class there.  This has taught me the value of checking up and making sure that agreements are still understood when a deadline for a class draws near.

So I had to rapidly improvise and set about transforming a wide-open space into somewhere an art class with a naked male model could take place.  A quick visit to a nearby department store and a nearby hardware store provided me with bungee clips, cord and some sheets, though - and an hour later, I'd rigged up a "washing line".  By the time I was finished, I still had two hours to spare, so I went to meet Claire and take her back to the bar.

When the girls arrived, I wasn't able to do my preferred introduction because there was nowhere to hide.  Instead, I stood and waited for them all to arrive and so got the individual responses as Claire led them through the makeshift screens one-by-one.

An interesting addition, though, was that one girl had a video-camera and so was also able to capture the responses on film.  I always make it known that any pictures of these events are very welcome and can be used to illustrate the postings on this blog if the girls are happy to share them.  The usual address for the pictures is Farquhar1970@AOL.Com.

But a personal request to this particular group... I would love a copy of the film as well though, if it's possible to get one and if you're happy to share it.  It would make the perfect illustration for this particular posting.

Back to the class.  Claire was a perfect tutor.  She engaged the girls well and knew exactly when to offer tuition and when to back off and just enjoy the banter.  She set some fun drawing challenges and offered some good tips.  I've never been able to draw at all, but I could see that she would make an excellent tutor at more serious art classes as well - one girl started off very hesitant and unsure of what to do, but "graduated" the class with far more skill.  I could see her confidently sketching out a great drawing during the last pose of the event.

We finished with the usual round of photographs and took our time leisurely winding the class down.  Then I got dressed, the washing line was taken down, the sheets were put away and we headed out to the West End of Glasgow for the next event.

A final "fun" moment for this class...  I borrowed a knife from the bar kitchen to cut down the cord line, but forgot that I had used a bungee at each end to put it up in the first place, so it was under pressure from both ends.  When I cut the cord, I heard a cry of surprise and looked round.  The cord was all the way over at the other end of the balcony and Claire was standing back, looking slightly startled.  Luckily, the cord had missed her.  Decapitating a tutor is not generally a good start to a working relationship.

A quiet buzz

It was the start of a busy weekend.  And the first time this year that Marta worked with me as my tutor this year, so nice to catch up with her.

I briefly updated her about the new routine that Alison and I had introduced in previous weekends, then went and hid so I could be introduced to the group once they had all arrived and settled down.  This is rapidly turning into my favourite part of any event.  That moment of shock and surprise that everyone has, when my tutor opens the door and I first walk through it.

The girls were a lot of fun and I even got a hug from one of them before they all left.  I think that's a first, actually, and it really cheered me.  I think people are often a bit less tactile when one person is naked under circumstances like this, so it made me happy that people were comfortable enough to do that.

I handed out my new business cards and got some great feedback in the visitors' book.  One girl promised to recommend me to all her friends and I think I heard someone talk about hiring me again for a private party without the "hen night" rationale.  I love it when people tell me at the end that they had a lot of fun, just before leaving.  It gives me a quiet buzz that lasts the rest of the day.

A new theme

The second job of the year and already we've developed a new theme.  The introduction Alison and I used for the last class went so well that we had a quick word with the girl who booked us for the latest one and ran it past her.  She was happy with that, so once again I stepped outside and hid while Alison got the girls in and settled down.  After that, I sneaked up to the door and waited outside to be introduced.

"I'm very sorry," she said.  "Normally I'm much more organised, but I've forgotten all the props and have nothing for you to draw.  If you give me a moment I'll see what might be available outside."

Then she opened the door and I stepped inside.

This works well.  It gives everyone a chance to settle and gives Alison a chance to introduce herself before I become a major distraction and make it harder for her to speak.  And it's a great introduction, because everybody gets to see me right away, so there isn't the usual filtering of responses as the first girls to enter the room react and pause for a moment, blocking the way - thus preventing the other girls from seeing what's creating the fuss.

I'd like to keep using that introduction whenever relevant.

It was another fun class, anyway.  It started earlier than usual, so the day was just beginning for everybody involved.  I think it took a while before the girls fully relaxed into it and realised that they were allowed to have fun, rather than simply attending an art class, but after a while one of them said she had a question, then blushingly warned me that it was "a bit rude."  Then, having delivered all the warnings, she said "How big's your willy?"

Surprisingly, I think that's the first time I was asked that one.

Doctor Sketchy's - Valentine's theme

The first Doctor Sketchy of the new year and - not wanting to depart from tradition - they've gone for a Valentine's Day theme.  But they've done it in style.

This month's models kicked off, very stylistically, like shop window mannequins from the 1920s.  They moved stiffly, took to the stage and then launched into an energetic dance to the tune of Happy feet.  Well choreographed and very entertaining; it's clear they've practiced at great length.

Cool introductions

It's been a lean few months, but now that the Christmas period has ended, it seems that people are starting to have some fun again.

Last Saturday, I had a particularly fun class, which made for a good return to form.  The girl who booked us came up and had a quiet word before her friends came up.  She told me that they had seen signs for a comedy night and were worried that they were going to be made to perform stand-up routines.  I like events like that - the kind of class where everybody is kept guessing right up to the last minute.

We had a brief discussion about how best to kick the class off and I suggested that I step outside the room and hide.  Shortly after, she collected everybody and led them to the room where Alison (my tutor) was waiting.  There were still sketchpads scattered throughout the room providing some clues, but giving no real hint about the nudity that awaited.  Alison apologised to the group, claimed that she had been disorganised and forgotten half the props, but had improvised.  Perhaps the girls would be happy to draw..?

When she opened the door, I was standing outside, naked and ready for the grand entrance.  I stepped in and got the typical mixed response.  Some girls had already started to suspect what was going to be revealed, but most of them were stunned.  The bride was a little nervous, but still took the whole routine in good humour and enjoyed herself.

The first suggestion was the classic John Travolta pose from Saturday night fever, which I adopted.  There was absolutely no way I was going to sustain that one for too long, though and within less than ten minutes, my pointing arm was shaking pretty violently.  By that time, however, everybody was fully into the mood and the class went very well after that.  We finished with the usual photographs and then everybody moved on to the next event.

All in all, I think it was a good start to the new season.

The next Doctor Sketchy's class

The next Doctor Sketchy's anti-art class is going to be held on Sunday, the 13th of February at 3PM.  It's going to be at the usual location.  That's the Jazz Bar on Chambers Street, in Edinburgh.

This one is going to be a Valentine's Day special.