A sharp, pointy penis

After a couple of not entirely successful classes (one was OK and one was disastrous) I had a return to top form for the latest one, which was a huge relief.  I travelled to Piperdam for it.

The journey was actually a little challenging.  I checked all the bus timetables before I left and found various options that would get me into the local area a couple of hours before the class was due to start, and one option that got me there just ten minutes early.  That one was completely out of the question, since it offered no margin for error, no time to set the room up and no time for me to gather myself and relax, once I knew I was on the site and had found the place I was going to put on the show.

So I caught a bus to Dundee, then another one to Piperdam - a golf lodge - and walked through a small residential neighbourhood until I found a place to get myself a coffee and settle down for a while.  A quick text to the girl who had hired me and then two of them came out to meet me in the restaurant.  Getting better all the time - that gave us time to chat for a few minutes and I was able to show them one of the videos of previous classes.  It also gave me an opportunity to find out how many people knew what was happening (just the two I was talking to) and how to introduce the class to them.

I got a lift to their chalet and was shown into the room where the class was going to be held.  It was dominated by a full size snooker table, which wasn't ideal, but which provided some interesting logistical challenges to overcome.  It meant I couldn't make full use of the room, because the floor space simply wasn't available.  And it meant I couldn't use any of the chairs, because that would have put me completely out of sight to some of the girls.  So I decided I would either lie down on the table, or remain standing for the duration of the class.

I was given time to get ready.  I distributed the pads, set up the music - all that stuff - and then one of the girls came to get me a few minutes later.  She knocked and entered the room, then apologised when she saw I was naked.  It's amazing how often that happens, even when the introduction has been established.  I can't count how often a girl has entered a room, taken one look and apologised as though she's intruded somehow.  It always amuses me.

The girls were in another room on the upper floor, so I was taken downstairs quietly, where I waited out of sight while they were all taken into the snooker room and seated.  I had a brief qualm when I suddenly realised that I was standing next to a glass door, where I could be seen by any random passerby, but I quickly ducked out of sight without incident.

Soon, I was being led into the room.  The initial response was probably not as overwhelmingly positive as I could have hoped for - I think a couple of the girls were more shocked than entertained when I entertained.  I don't think the bride was completely comfortable at first, either.  But everybody quickly warmed up.

All the girls were dressed as French artists.  They had fake moustaches and wore shirts with black and white stripes.  Most of them thought they were supposed to be burglars, so there was some great bits of misdirection going on.  Some of them had been sent out to buy extra props which had absolutely no relevance to the basic concept, so they had all been kept guessing.

I used some of the props for the first pose.  One was a hat made up of plastic fruit and the other was a pair of novelty sunglasses.  And when the first drawing challenge was done, I had no trouble picking out a winner - it was the one where I looked like a naked Elton John with no genitals looking like a mugger.  Fair enough - it's not easy to summarise that picture succinctly, but just take a look.  It's undeniable.

I really loved some of the pictures in this class.  I held up one of my favourites and pointed out that he looked a bit shy, but was just happy to be there.  The legs were uneven in that one, too - with the right leg being shorter than the left - but I felt like that just added to the offbeat quirkiness of the image.

Another favourite was during the "straight lines" challenge.  It was the sharp, pointy penis that really made it work, but I also loved how the arms were drawn - with one held at a jaunty, cheerful angle.  OK, fair enough, it's probably not all that accurate when a person sees an emotional element to a basic drawing, but sometimes I just can't help it.

Eventually, the snooker table had to be used.  It was too big and too obvious a prop, so simply couldn't be ignored for the whole class and so, eventually, I sprawled out across it and did the "Musical Chairs" pose - which involves everyone drawing for the duration of one song, then switching chairs at random, picking up someone else's picture and carrying on with the drawing.  Someone worried that the picture she had picked up was too good, so I said "if you can't improve on it, then just set about ruining it."

The winner of that competition was the result of someone using a lot of imagination - she turned the snooker table into a bath.  I debated a moment about whether I should reward her for using her imagination, or penalise her for cheating.  The reward option won out.

At the end of the class, the two girls who had collected me at the restaurant offered to give me a lift back to the bus stop.  By then, I was really a lot happier and a lot more relaxed with the classes in general - especially when one of them enthused about it to me.  I was also really pleased when the girl who had set it all up told me that I'd been booked because one of her friends had attended a class in Edinburgh a couple of years earlier and had raved about it.  I told her that it was probably me who did both events.  It's really cool when something like that happens.

Not a failure

I had two classes on this date.  One at The Fiddler's Elbow and one at The Standard.  And after the previous week's disaster, I was very concerned about both of them.

During the week, I made repeated visits to The Fiddler's Elbow to check on the progress of their renovations, and to make sure that they were definitely going to be ready in time for the class.  If it had been even remotely possible, I would have found a different venue, but there was nothing available.  On my final visit, I spoke to one of the management staff, who assured me that everything would be ready.

On the day, I arranged for Qba to be the model and Ayusha to be the tutor at The Fiddler's Elbow, while I went to The Standard.  I got my room ready, sat in a corner and started to quietly stress about everything that could go wrong.  Ultimately, I only really relaxed when my girls turned up.  I couldn't call Ayusha, because I didn't want to interrupt her class, but when she didn't call me to tell me about anything going wrong, I figured they must be going right.

This wasn't my best class ever, but none of it went particularly wrong this time - at least, there was no reason for anyone to register any kind of a complaint.  The sad thing was that it wasn't really all that much of a success, either.  It felt like one of those classes that occasionally are a bit misjudged - where the person who booked it didn't really consider that it might not be to the tastes of her friends.  This has happened maybe twice before (which isn't bad, considering I've been doing these classes for four years now) and on each previous occasion, I've managed to get everybody to enjoy themselves after a while. But not this time.

Even the point where I asked for two volunteers was met with complete resistance; something that has never happened before.  In fact, it seemed to provoke a bit of an argument among the girls, about who it was that would have the burden of volunteering.  Normally there's a bit of banter and some mild trepidation going on while they work out what they're volunteering for, which is all part of the humour. But this time the request was treated like an actual ordeal, so I let it go and moved on to the next challenge instead.

(The good thing was that while I was responding to the difficulties of this class, I realised that I was still maintaining a sense of humour and I was still handling every well - and I realised that I'd done the same thing the week before.  I realised that during that terrible class, I'd actually done a lot of things right and that I'd been very hard on myself since then.  I should have been congratulating myself on being able to deal with a very challenging situation and salvaging something from it, rather than condemning myself for not being able to make it perfect.)

I persevered with the girls in this class and managed to make it work.  A genuinely frustrating moment that I had to deal with was watching one of the girls - in what I can only assume was some sort of passive aggressive protest - steadily work her way through an entire sketchpad, use it up, demand a fresh one and do the same thing all over again.  She doodled something onto every single page of both pads and all I could do was observe this and wonder how to handle it when she demanded a third.  I wasn't sure if I should take a stance and simply refuse to hand another one over.  Ultimately, I did give her a third one, but told her there weren't any others.  I always carry a couple of spares, and there were more available, but I kept them hidden.

It wasn't the most enjoyable experience I've had with the business, but at least it wasn't a failure.  Probably the best thing I can say about this class.

Oh - and Qba and Ayusha had a fun class with fun girls at The Fiddler's Elbow.